I've seen some pretty disgusting things going on around here lately. Blatant and unabashed hate, hurtful and insensitive jokes, and just downright irresponsible blogging. Do you know who's to blame xanga?

Take a look in the mirror.

The common thread with almost all of these posts is the traffic that they get. Almost without exception, every inflammatory post I've seen this week has gotten at least 30-40 comments. Top blogs has been littered with them every day. They have spawned pulses, and response posts galore. We perpetuate the bullshit xanga. I almost didn't write this post because I feel that I may be doing the same. In the end, I just had to get this off my chest.

As we all know, Dan the Theologian made a very crass parody post of a fellow xangan's death this week. It was, in a word, deplorable. At first, I gave Dan the benefit of the doubt, because there was the chance that we were dealing with another fake death. However, once the death was confirmed (which it was a few hours after he posted), Dan should have removed that post and apologized.

But he didn't. Goodbye all respect for Dan.

As I watched the anger towards Dan grow to a fever pitch, I wondered for a moment how things would change around here. Dan had finally gone too far.

In the aftermath, despite a few "I hate Dan" posts and even a few "boycott Dan" posts, the truth of the matter is that Dan is the clear winner in all of this. He is laughing his ass off right now. So many people who claimed to be appalled and outraged by this incident will do nothing. They will be back to his site talking about Jon and Kate Plus Eight by next week. This too shall pass, just as every other trangression has before it.

We are broken xanga. We are broken beyond repair. We feed the negativity at a gluttonous pace. 

- It's why people like Paul_Partisan thrive off of playing you like a fiddle. He knows this about you xanga. He knows it and he uses it.

- It's why people like DearRicky constantly find an audience when they want to victimize themselves for public consumption. People come and read about who is pissing on his head this week and are even foolish enough to reply, "Poor Ricky. They hate you because they don't write nearly as well as you!"

- It's why people like Le_Chose_En_Soi find sudden xanga popularity, when they finally burst and let out their anger. Yet they spend all year writing beautiful, heartfelt posts that go mostly unnoticed.

- It's why so many of my good friends have lost interest in this place.

Now as you can see, I am still here. You can take this as a sign that I am willing to deal with all of it. I do not expect it to change. I am not writing this as a plea to stop the xanga drama. I am not going to waste my time with that. The point of this blog is this,

Stop blaming Dan. Stop blaming Paul. Stop blaming Ricky and all the others. If you want someone to blame for all of the negativity that goes on around here, blame yourself. See how being honest feels for a change you hypocrites! 

What do you do when things fall apart?

I don't know what to do. I need help. I need some perspective. I need some clarity.

Let me start at the beginning.

When I was young my parents divorced. My brothers and I bounced back and forth between them until we finally decided to live wth my dad. My brother ended up changing his mind a few more times going back and forth some more, but I stayed with my dad throughout.

Things were not always easy, but we made the best of it. We moved into a house that needed some work when I was about 14 years old. We did over almost everything in that house. I grew as it grew. After six years of constant renovation (we did a little bit at a time), the house had blossomed into a beautiful home. More exactly, my beautiful home.

A few years into living at that house, my father met someone. They started dating and things gradually escalated. Before long, they were a full blown couple. It had been a long time since my father had been in a real relationship. In fact, this was the first real relationship he had been in since he divorced my mother. I had my reservations about my father's new love, but all in all I was happy for him... for a while at least.

As things got more serious between my father and his love, I started to notice a bit of a change in him. I started to notice a bit of a divide forming between him and our family. It wasn't a huge divide, but it was noticeable. I could feel a certain amount of resentment coming from him. He was starting to align himself more with his relationship than with me, or my brother, or anyone else. He felt like people were against him, or at least not fully on his side. Now, I can honestly say that these feelings did come from somewhere. My brother and many others did not agree with certain decisions he had made. There was a bit of people raising their noses at him. However, while all that was going on I was still there. I had never left.

One day my dad and I were having dinner when he informed me that he would be selling our beautiful home. The same beautfil home that we had just spent the better part of sicx years renovating. The same beautiful home that we had only just begun to fully enjoy. The same beautiful home that had grown with me. My beautiful home.

This wasn't a discussion we were having. This wasn't him asking me what I thought. This was him informing me of his decision, and why he had made it. And what was the reason behind this decision? He wanted to find a new home that was both his and his love's. This was his house. He wanted something that was theirs.

And that is only how it began to fall apart...

What is the one thing you should never say to your girlfriend when she is being irrational?

"Baby, you are being irrational."

That is a huge no-no my friends. A surefire way to get you kicked onto the proverbial couch (or in some cases the actual couch).

No matter how irrational your girl is being, you'd best stay away from pointing out the obvious. Nothing will enrage her more than you telling her that she is one big ball of hormones at the moment and you have no idea why she is acting so crazy.

Here is an example for you.

My girl and I were having a nice conversation the other day about an old friend of mine who happens to be a woman. I have spoken about this friend a bunch of times before as she is a good friend of my family's. We have known eachother literally since we were both babies.

This friend has never had the opportunity to meet my girl and is coming to town to visit next month. She is in dire need of some new clothes and my girl loves to shop with people, so I said, "Hey baby you should take her shopping. You could make her over, it would be fun." To which my girl replied, "what do you mean?" I told her that my friend is like one of those clumsy, dorky, but pretty girls from the movies that would really benefit from a makeover. This is where things went sour.

"Oh m god you are so lucky your friend is married."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Listen to you, you are gushing about this girl! She is sooo cute and dorky and pretty!"

I don't need to go much further for you guys to see that this escalated pretty quickly. I was highly offended because she was clearly pulling this shit out of her ass, and she was pissed because she was off her meds (there can be no other explanation!). During the spat that ensued I just kept thinking in my head, "you are so insecure sometimes." I dared not say it aloud because I know that is one of those things you just steer clear from if you're smart. After about ten more minutes of her lashing out at me my better judgement went out the window.

"I really don't appreciate you getting mad at me over your own insecurities."

That was the end of it. She gasped, gave me the evil eye for a sec, then walked out the room. Needless to say she gave me the cold shoulder for a while. That's what I get for telling the truth.

Now women, before you start clamoring, I will agree that men can also be guilty of projecting their insecurities or being irrational. Of course we can. The only difference is we are used to women telling us about ourselves. So if you tell me I am just being insecure I will either laugh it off and say whatever, or I will say yeah I am so what?! To a woman you are invalidating her existence by telling her something like that. She must be allowed to rant no matter how unnecessary it is. See the difference?

End analysis. Cue angry mob.